From the moment I created the "Wot You Talking?" part of Open Thource I have barely been able to concentrate on anything else so I have decided to use a much loved method for asking questions -- one of the horribly long, confrontingly personal and rarely replied to surveys that circulate via e-mail and websites like mySpace -- to bring (or at least attempt to bring) the first humourous idea to the website.
If I'm ever feeling bored I will not read or answer these questionaires honestly, I will try and find the most absurd way possible to answer them but still giving a completely valid answer to the question -- just taking the question in a different context.
It goes to show how flawed the English language is and can lead to some ebarrassing moments when filling out visitor cards while travelling overseas
1. Do you sleep with the TV on?No, TV's are outdoor wear only. That would be like asking -- do you sleep in high visibility clothing?
2. Have you ever won a spelling bee?No, but how cool would that be? You'd be sitting there composing an email and suddenly have the desire to use a word like onomatopoeia and because you broke your computer and it won't spell check for you, you can turn to your spelling bee and ask "Hey spelling bee -- can you please tell me how to spell onomatopoeia?"
The closest thing I have won is a grammar scorpion but I had to get rid of him because everytime I used bad grammar it would sting me and I would say "That hurts lots!" and it would sting me again.
3. Are you single?: There is only one of me but my life revolves around couples. I have a couple of legs, a couple of eyes, a couple of arms, a whole orgy of fingers and toes.. I also have a multiple names, Luciano, Lueke, Rakuli, Shut up, Get away from me you creep etc..
4. What color do you wear mostI often make hilarious social faux pas' when discussion revolves around the decline of the British Textile industry. I will say something like "The British Textile industry has been in rapid decline for years now so it shouldn't come as such a surprise" and after saying it I realise that discussion was not really revolving around said declining industry, conversation was actually about the weather and I had mistakenly slipped back into the conversation I had been having with Russ - this leads to brief periods of extreme embarrassment and I quickly wear red.
5. Least favorite color to wear? Red
6. Are you happy with your life right now?No actually, but you know what? I'm so angry at myself because I lost my receipt! Here I am wandering around with a dented life – that I didn't buy the extended warranty for – and I can't exchange it because I don't have the receipt. I mean come on, apparently each one is unique so they can surely look at a store credit or something. I was thinking of swapping it for the older style "Bill Gates" model, they seem to become more valuable as they age..
I guess I'll just have to keep trying to get the most out of this one
7. How do you make money?I would be very interested to find out. It would be good to be able to make money, you could go into an arts and craft store or something and buy all these supplies. Then when you go to pay for it, you say "Gimme a second" and you use the supplies to whip up some cash. Yes, I would like to be able to make money.
***Rakuli leaves message unattended as he nips off to the newsagent to purchase said supplies. ***No luck, I was laughed out of the supermarket, apparently my crayon drawing of the Queen didn't look like the real thing and they wouldn't take my home made money.
8. Have you ever asked for a horse?Yes and the poor girl working at McDonalds that day nearly died of shock -- I had to settle for a 6 pack of nuggets..
9. Missing someone right now?No, at the moment I'm not throwing anything at anyone... I always carry at least 7 spongy balls around with me in case I want to surprise someone from afar. Sometimes, at night, I miss those people
10. What 3 things you always bring with you to places?7 Spongy balls, (used to bring grammar scorpion) and TV (in case the weather turns sour)
11. Do you like or have a crush on anyone?** Rakuli stands up and checks **Nope, I not have a crush on anyone at this time.
12. How often do you talk on the phone?Only ever done this once. I was trying to reach a spongy ball that got stuck on top of the fridge and I had to get the phone and stand on it so I could reach ... Man did I turn red in the face when someone walked in my front door so I had to start talking to them while I was on the phone.
13. Where is your phone?Propping up the dodgy leg of the table in the kitchen.
Yeah, yeah I know -- it's a pretty lame attempt at humour and I had to make up some new questions because I couldn't find all of the surveys I've butchered...
It does go to show how easily words can be misunderstood without solid context...
Creator 